Reframing the Inner Critic: What I Wish My Clients Knew
- Felicia Fischhoff
- Jul 15
- 4 min read
As a Registered Psychotherapist, I’ve had the honour of walking with people through some of life’s hardest moments. And one thing that shows up time and time again—especially in racialized, high-achieving, or caregiving folks—is that voice in our heads. You know the one. The inner critic. The voice that chimes in loudest when we’re already feeling low or questioning our worth.
What Is the Inner Critic?
The inner critic is a part of us that learned to use shame, judgment, and harshness as a way to survive. It’s often trying to keep us safe—from rejection, failure, disappointment, or pain—by tearing us down before anyone else can. It sounds like:
“You’re not good enough.”
“You’ll mess this up.”
“You’re too much… or not enough.”
That voice is loud. And often, it doesn’t even start with us. It mimics what we’ve heard growing up—from a parent, teacher, faith leader, or even through societal messaging and trauma. The inner critic gets especially loud when we’re stressed or stretched thin. But here’s what I want you to hear today: the critic is not the truth. And it doesn’t have the final say.
My Own Story
As a little girl, I often felt like I wasn’t enough. I was bullied because of my body, and I started believing I had to work twice as hard, be twice as good, and shrink myself to be accepted. My inner critic told me I wasn’t beautiful, that I didn’t measure up. And I believed it.
But healing began when I stopped fighting myself and started getting curious: Where did that voice come from? And is it actually mine?
The truth is: I am enough. Just as I am.
And sis, so are you. You don’t have to earn your worth. You don’t have to prove your value. It’s already in you.
The Inner Critic Isn’t the Enemy
I want to be clear—this inner voice isn’t trying to hurt us. It’s often a younger part of us that learned how to survive in a world that hasn’t always been kind. If you grew up being told to be strong, to stay quiet, to keep the peace, or to work twice as hard just to belong—then your inner critic likely became your taskmaster, your judge, or your protector.
But underneath that harshness is fear. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of being rejected. And when we recognize that, we can meet that part of ourselves with compassion, not shame.
Inner Critic vs. Intuition
This part is so important: the inner critic is not the same as your intuition.
The inner critic is loud, anxious, and rooted in fear.
Intuition is calm, grounded, and rooted in wisdom.
Example:
When I hear, “You’ll fail if you try,” I remind myself, “This feels new and scary—but I’m ready.”
When that voice says, “Don’t speak up—you’ll look foolish,” I pause and remind myself, “I have something important to say.”
Learning to tell the difference between the two is a game changer.
How to Start Flipping the Script
Here’s how we begin to shift the narrative:
Notice the Voice – Pay attention to when the critic shows up. What’s the tone? What’s it saying? Does it sound familiar?
Understand Its Role – It’s not trying to hurt you. It’s trying (and failing) to protect you. That awareness builds compassion.
Challenge the Narrative – Is it true? Whose voice is it, really? What’s the evidence?
Speak Kindly to Yourself – Say what you wish you had heard as a child. Try: “I’m allowed to rest.” “I’m learning.” “I’m not a burden.”
Get Support – Therapy can help you unpack where this critic came from and build new, nurturing narratives rooted in truth.
Reframing the Voice: Some Examples
Inner Critic Belief | Compassionate Reframe |
I am not good enough. | I am enough—just as I am. |
I am too much. | My presence is powerful and needed. |
I am a burden. | My needs matter. I am allowed to take up space. |
If I rest, I’m lazy. | Rest is productive. I deserve to recharge. |
I have to be perfect to be loved. | I am loved even in my imperfections. |
I have to work twice as hard to belong. | My worth is not measured by my productivity. |
I can’t show emotion or I’ll be judged. | My feelings are valid. I can be soft and strong. |
Your inner critic may still whisper, but it doesn’t get to drive anymore. The more we practice compassion, the quieter it becomes.
You Are Enough
You are enough—not because of what you do, how you look, or how hard you hustle. You are enough simply because you exist.
Take a breath. Let that truth sink in.
References
Earley, J. (2009). Self-Therapy: A Step-by-Step Guide to Creating Wholeness and Healing Your Inner Child Using IFS. Larkspur, CA: Pattern System Books.Menakem, R. (2017). My Grandmother’s Hands: Racialized Trauma and the Pathway to Mending Our Hearts and Bodies. Las Vegas, NV: Central Recovery Press.Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself. New York, NY: William Morrow.
About the Author:
Felicia Fischhoff, RP (she/her) is a proud Jamaican Canadian and devoted mom to two wonderful boys. She is the founder and practice owner of Rooted in Resilience Psychotherapy & Wellness, a growing Ontario-based practice dedicated to creating safe, affirming spaces for racialized and marginalized communities to heal and thrive.
Felicia is also the host of The Mental Health Hour on LuvBay Afrobeat and Live Talk Radio, airing every Tuesday at 7PM EDT. Through her show, she highlights critical issues and helps educate the community on mental health and wellness.
As a Registered Psychotherapist, Felicia focuses deeply on trauma, racial trauma, PTSD, family dynamics, and relationship challenges. Her work is grounded in culturally responsive and trauma-informed care, always honouring the unique lived experiences of each client.
With over a decade of experience in the nonprofit sector, Felicia co-founded a charitable organization supporting survivors of sex trafficking. Through this work, she has witnessed the resilience of survivors as they reclaimed their stories and overcame immense barriers.
Felicia’s passion lies in empowering individuals and communities to reconnect with their strength, break cycles of pain, and build lives rooted in resilience.
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