
Attachment theory, a foundational concept in psychotherapy, helps us understand how our early relationships with caregivers shape the way we connect with others as adults. Developed by John Bowlby and expanded by Mary Ainsworth, attachment theory categorizes these relationships into secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized attachment styles. While this framework is widely used, it often fails to account for the unique cultural experiences and historical legacies of Black, Indigenous, and People of Color (BIPOC) communities due to their unique cultural contexts and historical legacies.
A crucial theme to explore is how attachment theory plays out in racialized communities—contexts that John and Mary likely never envisioned when developing their theory. Their work lacks the cultural considerations necessary to fully understand the attachment dynamics in diverse communities. Recognizing these nuances is essential if we aim to support our BIPOC communities meaningfully.
The Foundation of Attachment Theory
Attachment theory suggests that the bonds we form with our caregivers during childhood significantly influence how we approach intimacy, trust, and vulnerability in relationships as adults. A secure attachment, where a child feels safe and understood, often lays the foundation for healthier relationships later in life. On the other hand, insecure attachment styles—anxious, avoidant, or disorganized—can lead to challenges such as fear of abandonment, difficulty with intimacy, or oscillation between emotional extremes.
However, these models are rooted in Western ideals and often overlook the nuances and lived experiences of racialized communities. Cultural norms, collective histories, and intergenerational trauma can deeply influence attachment styles, making it essential to explore attachment theory through a culturally informed lens.
For example, many BIPOC families grow up in multigenerational households, where grandparents, aunts, and uncles play a central role in raising children. This collective approach differs from the more individualistic, nuclear family model common in Western cultures, and it significantly influences a child’s attachment style. In the West, communities began to move and live in isolation, while non-Western cultures embraced the family home, which ultimately supported children’s attachment styles.
Cultural Considerations in BIPOC Attachment Styles
Collectivism vs. Individualism
Many BIPOC cultures prioritize collectivism, where the needs of the family or community come before individual desires. This can impact how attachment styles develop. For instance, interdependence and communal living are deeply valued in many Indigenous, African, and Asian cultures. In Western psychology, this might be misinterpreted as “enmeshment” or “over-dependence,” but within racialized communities, such interdependence is often a source of strength and resilience.
Intergenerational Trauma
Racialized communities have endured centuries of systemic oppression, colonization, and racism, leaving deep intergenerational scars. For example, the trauma of slavery and systemic racism has had lasting effects on African American families, which can manifest in complex attachment dynamics. Similarly, Indigenous communities continue to grapple with the impacts of residential schools, which can lead to disrupted attachment patterns. These historical traumas can impact attachment patterns that echo across generations, influencing how people connect with others in adulthood.
Racial Socialization
For many BIPOC families, racial socialization is a vital part of parenting—preparing children to navigate a world that may judge them unfairly due to prejudice and oppressive systems. While this teaches resilience, it can also create a dual attachment dynamic: children learn to seek safety within their families while remaining cautious about how society perceives them. This protective approach, while necessary, can complicate attachment by fostering both openness and guardedness.
Resilience and Adaptation
Despite these challenges, BIPOC communities often display extraordinary resilience. Cultural practices, spiritual beliefs, and communal support networks provide a strong foundation for secure attachments. For instance, the African concept of “Ubuntu,” which emphasizes shared humanity and mutual community care, fosters deep connections and a sense of belonging that can counteract the effects of systemic oppression while fostering secure attachment in children who feel deeply connected to the broader community.
Relationships in a BIPOC Context
As adults, these culturally influenced attachment styles continue to shape how racialized individuals navigate relationships. Unique challenges arise in navigating intimacy, trust, and vulnerability due to the compounded effects of personal attachment history, cultural context, managing bicultural identities, and addressing external pressures like stereotypes or microaggressions.
Navigating Bicultural Identity
Straddling multiple cultural identities can create complex relationship dynamics. For example, a first-generation immigrant may struggle to balance their family’s traditional values and expectations with the norms of the dominant culture. This can become especially complex in romantic relationships, particularly if partners have different levels of cultural assimilation or understanding. One example is when children of BIPOC immigrants want to marry outside of their cultural or religious identity, causing division within the family system.
Addressing Stereotypes and Microaggressions
BIPOC individuals in interracial relationships or partnerships within dominant-culture spaces often face stereotypes and microaggressions that add stress to the relationship. These external pressures can amplify or create new attachment insecurities, making honest and open communication and mutual support even more critical.
Community Expectations and Pressures
Cultural expectations around relationships, marriage, and family roles can also influence attachment and relationship dynamics. For example, South Asian and Middle Eastern families may emphasize marrying within the community or adhering to traditional gender roles. These expectations can affect how individuals approach conflict, emotional intimacy, emotional expression, partnership, and autonomy within their relationships.
Fostering Healthy Relationships in BIPOC Communities
To navigate these complexities, it is essential for BIPOC individuals and their partners to engage in open dialogue, seek culturally informed therapy if needed, and build a support system that honors both their personal and cultural identities.
Seek Culturally Informed Therapy: Engaging with a therapist who understands and respects cultural contexts is transformative. Culturally informed therapy acknowledges the impact of systemic oppression and intergenerational trauma and honors the intrinsic strengths of a person’s cultural values and unique personhood, offering a more holistic approach to healing and relationship-building. This can be a validating and empowering experience.
Celebrate Cultural Strengths: Lean into practices like rituals, storytelling, spiritual practices, and communal gatherings, which are often the cornerstones of culture. Engaging in these deep-rooted practices can deepen connections and strengthen attachment bonds.
Practice Self-Reflection: Understanding attachment styles in the context of cultural identity can lead to greater self-awareness and foster healthier relationships and more fulfilling connections. BIPOC individuals can benefit from exploring how their cultural backgrounds influence their views on intimacy, trust, and vulnerability and use this understanding to build stronger, more secure relationships.
Conclusion
Attachment and relationships are shaped by the cultural, historical, and social contexts we grow up in. For BIPOC individuals, this means navigating a complex interplay of cultural values, intergenerational trauma, and societal challenges. By exploring attachment theory through a culturally informed lens and honoring these complexities, we can better support the development of secure, meaningful relationships that are rooted in resilience and connection, even in the face of adversity.
About the Author:

Bavly Kost holds a bachelor’s degree in History and religious studies as well an education degree from York University, and a Masters of Psycho-Spiritual Studies (MPS) with a Certificate in Spiritual Care & Psychotherapy from Emmanuel College, which is jointly offered through the Toronto School of Theology and the University of Toronto. He also has a Master’s in Theology from St. Vladimir’s Orthodox theological seminary. He is also a Registered Psychotherapist.
Bavly began his Spiritual Care career working casually at Sunnybrook Hospital and was a full time Spiritual Care Practitioner at Scarborough Health Network for six years. He recently became the Manager for Spiritual Care Service and the Certified Supervisor Educator at Mackenzie Health helping grow the department and program being the first smart hospital in Canada.
Ubuntu Psychotherapy and Wellness has been a transformative space in Bavly's professional journey. Working with Ubuntu has deepened his therapeutic and supervisory expertise by allowing him to serve a diverse population of clients and supervisees. Ubuntu's emphasis on a holistic, client-centered approach to mental health has enriched his understanding of how spirituality intersects with mental and emotional wellness. Through his work with Ubuntu, Bavly has been able to guide emerging therapists in their professional development and offer clients meaningful, culturally sensitive care. This experience has reinforced his passion for integrating spirituality with evidence-based therapeutic practices, fostering healing and growth for clients and therapists.
Outside of his work at the bedside, and supervising interns and Registered Psychotherapists (Qualifying), he loves to read and pursue research work to advance the field of Psychotherapy. Some of his most recent search articles include: Clinical Wisdom in Evidence-Based Spiritual Care and Psychotherapy: What Is It?, The Role of Medicine and Spiritual Care in Combating Loneliness, The Renewal of Coptic Theology: The Integration of Community in the Coptic Diaspora, Entering a Different World: Understanding What Sustains, Supports, and Connects the Spiritual Resources of Those Living With Dementia, in a Multi-Cultural Context and his forthcoming chapter will be entitled: The Integration of Logotherapy: Hope and Meaning in the Context of Suffering.
Bavly specializes in a wide range of modalities including solution-focused, humanistic therapies (gestalt, existential, person-centered), logotherapy, Rogerian, narrative, CBT, DBT, spiritually integrated psychotherapy, self-psychology, mindfulness, and relational psychotherapy. Bavly has an active practice where he works with individuals and is interested in adults struggling with a broad spectrum of concerns including relational conflicts, issues of self, anxiety, depression, and recovery from trauma and abuse. He works from a developmental, relational, self, and experiential perspective and uses theoretical and practice grounded techniques.
If you would like to reach out to Bavly visit the Ubuntu website: https://ubuntupsychotherapy.ca/ or email him at bavly@ubuntupsychotherapy.ca
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